tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme

"o amor é apenas uma palavra até que alguém chega para lhe dar sentido. sonho também é apenas uma palavra até que você decide lutar por ela com todo seu entusiasmo e dedicação." - paulo coelho

thank you to my best friend, my travel partner, my partner-in-crime, my challenger, my center, my reality check, my bed buddy, my co-chef, and much more.

i belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart.

i know.  for the first time i know
myself, and all around me
he completes my soul.

i'm me.  for the first time i'm just me
my hope, fears, quirks, tears
i've let him in my heart to see.

it's the same.  for the first time it's the same
the way we feel about each other
and where we want our lives to aim.

i'm not afraid.  for the first time i'm not afraid
of a life, of a future
where our love won't ever fade.

it gets better.  for the first time it gets better
everyday and every moment
i promised myself i'd never settle.

i'm happy.  for the first time i'm truly happy
with a boy and no hesitations
this is exactly how it should be.

i win.  for the first time i win 
i've played the lotto for years
but this time i'm cashing in.

yolo

you only live once.

the best things come to those who wait. i'm waiting.

(continued)

you can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, i fear, toward a most useless place.
the waiting place...

...for people just waiting.
waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a yes or no
or waiting for their hair to grow.
everyone is just waiting.

waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake
or a pot to boil, or a better break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or another chance.
everyone is just waiting.

no!
that's not for you!

somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
you'll find the bright places
where boom bands are playing.

with banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
ready for anything under the sky.
ready because you're that kind of a guy!

oh, the places you'll go! there is fun to be done!
there are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
and the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
fame! you'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on tv.

except when they don't
because, sometimes they won't.

i'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

all alone!
whether you like it or not,
alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

and when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
there are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

but on you will go
though the weather be foul.
on you will go
though your enemies prowl.
on you will go
though the hakken-kraks howl.
onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

on and on you will hike,
and i know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

you'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
you'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
so be sure when you step.
step with care and great tact
and remember that life's
a great balancing act.
just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
and never mix up your right foot with your left.

and will you succeed?
yes! you will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

kid, you'll move mountains!

so...
be your name buxbaum or bixby or bray
or mordecai ali van allen o'shea,
you're off the great places!
today is your day!
your mountain is waiting.
so...get on your way!

  - dr. seuss

life or something like that

peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.
- unknown

seven years ago (may 31, 2005) i started at p&g.  i had no idea i'd be here this long.  seven years is on the upwards of a decade.  crazy.  i've never done anything for seven years.  i think i have the seven year itch.  it's not that i want to go anywhere else.  it's not that i don't love what i do.  i'm just tired of the bullshit that's been the same for seven years.  but i choose to stay because i'd rather deal with p&g bullshit than anyone else's.  and to be clear, i'm not settling.  i won't ever settle or compromise myself for work.  i work too hard and give too much to settle with just a job that isn't where i truly want to be.

four months ago (january 30, 2012) i moved to minneapolis for work.  this is probably the hardest thing i've ever done in my years as an adult.  it's forcing me to figure out how to live the every day - not in a bad sense - but it's just not easy.

during this time, i have learned that i won't ever sit and wait to figure it out, before i let myself actually do something.  i'll always be doing those somethings and learning along the way, because that's how i figure things out.  i'll be enjoying everything else i can while i figure the rest of life out.

my friend asked me the other day, "if someone is in relentless pursuit of the complete experience, how does he or she know when they've arrived?"  and i responded that i don't think that's what it's about at all - it's about the experience that we have in trying.  and it's definitely not about arriving.  it's about being.  and for me right now it's finding that peace in my heart.  i need it.

home. let me come home. home is wherever i am with you.

and now i cannot remember how i would
have had it. it is not a conduit (confluence?) but a place.

the place, of movement and an order.

the place of old order.

but the tail end of the movement is new.

driving us to say what we are thinking.

it is so much like a beach after all, where you stand
and think of going no further.

and it is good when you get to no further.

it is like a reason that picks you up and
places you where you always wanted to be.

this far, it is fair to be crossing, to have crossed.

then there is no promise in the other.

here it is. steel and air, a mottled presence,
small panacea
and lucky for us.

and then it got very cool.
- john ashbery

lend me your eyes i can change what you see. but your soul you must keep, totally free.

here's the thing that makes life so interesting: the theory of evolution claims that "only the strong shall survive." maybe so, maybe so.  but the theory of competition says "just because they're the strong doesn't mean they can't get their asses kicked." that's right.  see, what every long-shot, come-from-behind underdog will tell you is this: the other guy may in fact be the favorite; the odds may be stacked against you.  fair enough...but what the odds don't know is this isn't a math test. this is a completely different kind of test.  one where passion has a funny way of trumping logic.  so before you step up to the starting line, before the whistle blows and the clock starts ticking, just remember: out here, the results don't always add up.  no matter what the stats may say and the experts may think and the commentators may have predicted, when the race is on, all bets are off. don't be surprised if someone decides to flip the script and take a pass on yelling "uncle".  and then suddenly, as the old saying goes, "we got ourselves a game."

lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. and i will try to fix you.

if this is what a clusterfuck is like, i think i like it.

lost generation

i am part of the lost generation
and i refuse to believe that
i can change the world
i realize this may be a shock but,
“happiness comes from within”
is a lie, and
“money will make me happy”
so in 30 years i will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life.
my employer will know that
i have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
i tell you this
once upon a time
families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
this is a quick fix society
experts tell me
30 years from now i will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
i do not concede that
i will live in a country of my own making
in the future
environmental destruction will be the norm
no longer can it be said that
my peers and i care about this earth
it will be evident that
my generation is apathetic and lethargic
it is foolish to presume that
there is hope.

and all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.

there is hope.
it is foolish to presume that
my generation is apathetic and lethargic
it will be evident that
my peers and i care about this earth
no longer can it be said that
environmental destruction will be the norm
in the future
i will live in a country of my own making
i do not concede that
30 years from now i will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
experts tell me
this is a quick fix society
but this will not be true in my era
families stayed together
once upon a time
i tell you this
family
is more important than
work
i have my priorities straight because
my employer will know that
they are not the most important thing in my life.
so in 30 years i will tell my children
“money will make me happy”
is a lie, and
“happiness comes from within”
i realize this may be a shock but,
i can change the world
and i refuse to believe that
i am part of the lost generation.
- jonathan reed

goodnight sunshine

"i don't really know what to say to all that.  i guess i just thought...or hoped...you've changed.  it was not my intent to give you any glimpse of hope that we could ever be together.  i honestly just wanted to make sure you didn't feel bad anymore as i know i said some not-so-nice things because i was so angry.  i'm a forgiver.  i think the biggest thing was just that i believe in forgiveness and you seemed concerned that you irrevocably hurt me, and still today feel that.  i wanted to free you of any guilt, concern, pain, or sadness when you think of me. 

i do, however, learn from my mistakes in life.  so if you aren't going to stop your behavior for your wife or your beautiful children, do it for me.  i deserve someone who will take care of me - not financially, i do very well myself - but someone who will take care of my heart, my love, my interests, my passions, my vulnerabilities and insecurities, my quirks, my temperament, my emotions.  you aren't that person, and not only you never could be, you would never choose to be.  i deserve someone who can give me all that i would give to him.  i deserve someone who would choose me.  so for me, yes i'd ask you not to contact me again.  i wish you all the best, and i hope you realize someday sooner rather than later, either you choose your wife and your family or you choose a life to find someone else who would give you what you need to be satisfied.  you can't have both.  life doesn't work like that."

- meredith grey